I had to fill out a beneficiary form for my long-term disability claim today and it depressed the hell out of me. First of all, Pete has been tagged to collect my millions since the day we were wed so why I have to keep filling out this shit is beyond me. And secondly, I hate being reminded that I'm on LTD. It makes me think of too many serious things and that branches out into other serious things and eventually I just get all anxious about the golf balls in my breast and want to curl up and listen to I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You, which is just about the saddest song ever.
I have these panic moments sometimes when I realize that I don't want the stripper teaching my girls about stuff. Last night I taught Stella about what it means to be gay. The other day I grilled her about strangers and the right way to react if approached by one. And this week is all about dinner table rules for Frances. I mean, on the one hand, I'm looking at living to 102, but then...
Maybe it's the news that my sister-in-law's grandmother died last night. Even though she's been in a certain decline for a few years, the end was wicked sudden and yeah, we all want to go like that, but still. Maybe it's the never-ending verge of death I see every day at the cancer clinic. Yes, it makes me grateful, but it also reminds me that this cancer shit takes no prisoners sometimes and we're not always the determinants.
Guess what I'm really saying about all this is that I just chased my lunch-time salad with an entire mini chocolate bar. And yes, it was dark chocolate, but still.
Let's move on, shall we? Something that makes me happy and makes me think of my friend J skiing away in the Interior: Iceland.
Everyone is allowed a day of sadness every once in a while ...
ReplyDeleteYup, that was a tough day for you. But you know what, you're tougher. You've handled this whole c-thing amazingly well; a real trooper; a fighter; above and beyond; you're rising above it. Sad days are okay now and then. Shit, you're up more than a lot of people I know and they're not going through half of what you are. So take a sad day, but live for the happy ones. There's a lot more happy ones coming your way. I'm off to the big D tomorrow morning and yikes I should be in bed, but had to read up on your latest. I made a veggie drink tonight for early early tomorrow morning. I'm really going to miss those suckers. Thought about packing my Brevvie, but the suitcase already weighs enough. Why do I pack so freakin' much? It's because I don't know what I'm going to "feel" like wearing on a certain day. Nuts, I know, but I am what I am....Popeye the sailor man. Talking about Popeye, when do you put your spinach in to be juiced? [I'm still making the first veggie recipe you sent: carrots, celery, apple, ginger, cuke, spinach, beet, lemon, etc.] I put it in at the end, but very little juice comes out. I'm wondering if it should go in earlier. Anyway my friend, we'll talk soon; definitely before you go away. xo
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