A brutal day with one or both of the frokens in this house beats any bad day with cancer. Tonight was Stella's turn and it was a doozy.
She was a rotter from the moment Pete went into her after-school care to pick her up and it was capped off by a mammoth meltdown tonight that turned the house upside down and dragged us all into the ancient Indian burial ground with it. Mamma mia. When it was all over, I just wanted to sink into the couch and never get up, never mind wash another fucking carrot or spin some bloody lettuce. Thank you, dark chocolate, for coming to my rescue.
Before it all started, I was home with a sick Pete, heading out for a veggie shop and a laser blast and then the dentist in the afternoon to find out about my jaw. He figures my lifelong grinding was likely exacerbated by the stress of the c-dawg and then the chemo blast to my good cells and voila - clicking jaw. When I told him it was clicking a little more quietly over the past couple of days but that my bite was now ruined, he figured a piece of cartilage had come loose and would likely never come back. And now I have to get a bite guard to make sure things don't deteriorate further. Zexy time.
So I'm over my brain cancer fear and moving on to other neuroses.
With this whole detox sitch, I've been thinking about hunger a lot lately and how we (in the Western world and with immediate access to food) are so messed up when it comes to hunger. It's like the first sign of it and we panic: fill the hole, fill the hole!! And I'm the same way. It's not that I think it's unnatural to eat when you're hungry, but is it so bad to feel the hunger a little sometimes and then be so ready for a meal? It's complicated, I know. There's low blood sugar issues, distracting growling, all that jazz. But when we're succumbing to diseases of affluence and not of lack, I think it's okay to feel a bit hungry during the day.
Okay - that's me being cranky. Likely cuz I'm hungry.