Juice douche

Fair warning now, people. I may become a juicing douchebag.

Hells, I know that the opportunity of time has steered me down the path of juicing fruits and veggies to starve the cancer cells and create some clean fishwater in my bod. I know if I were working full-time I would likely still be floundering with how to make myself feel better, more energetic, more excited about la vie while still having small people in the house to limit my movement. I know this, dudes. So I will take advantage of riding the cancer train while I can.

I've been juicing for a week or so with an old Braun. It's not bad, but you still have to cut things up to get them down the shoot and blasted into your glass. Yesterday a Caddy Bay neighbour dropped off his $600 Kempo, with magnets in the juice catcher and a billion fiddly parts to clean. It's lauded by the vegans of the world, but mother fuck it's annoying. If I had to use that baby all the time I'd go back to eating carpaccio for breakfast.

So now I'm looking for a juicer to call my own. After days of research, I'm zeroing in on the Breville or the Juiceman Pro, but at $300 and $180 respectively (and the Juiceman is bloody hard to find in Canada), I feel the preemptive pain in my bank account. Add to that the need for a new blender for smoothies (mine has difficulty chopping a banana) and this whole dealio is adding up quickly.

Breville

Juiceman Pro

Where it all started was about a year ago when I had this idea that I was going to break out and start my own juice fasting company. I had become enamoured with Blueprint in NY. I'm a sucker for cool products and I liked the way the ladies at Blueprint had made a name for themselves in a rather niche market. Problem was, I'm not a nutritionist, a dietician, a cook or an entrepreneur and Victoria has 350,000 people instead of 19,000,000. Plus I'm a lazy bastard who likes the idea more than the application.

Anywho, since then, I've been obsessed with juice fasting companies and the handful of them that have popped into the spotlight in the States over the past several months. And then here I am. Cancer girl, reading a shitload about the benefits of juicing, not just to trample the Standard American/Canadian Diet, but to smoke out the c-cells once they've taken residence... and well, it all adds up to a current obsession with the liquid gold.

I'm a baby in this thing (not a zygote, tho), and am learning more about combining, storing, and the like, and the obsession is only growing. So if you have a lead on a fab juicer, let me know and I'll hop on my cancer train to seek it out. But don't tell me about your fab juice company idea or I'll kick your sorry arse.