Feel rather like garbage today, but trying to press on. The good news? I think there may be shrinkage. But then I get a bit nervous in an eye exam when I have to choose between this one and this one. Which one is clearer? Why is it fucking up to me? You're the doctor!
And so with cancer, it's been left up to me to determine whether there have been changes. Last Wednesday I said that I didn't think things had gotten worse, but as soon as I said it, I wondered, have they? Maybe I don't want to think they have, but they indeed have... Contrary to what I maybe expected, I can't and don't want to think about my breast, the cancer, the treatments, the disease receding or advancing 24 hours a day.
No varminting this round, but I feel nauseous as hell, remembering smells, tasting tin, seeing my sickly skin in a green scarf (why did I choose green for something to go so close to my face?). Frances is home again today, but my parents, the champions, came by and picked her up this morning and I am ready to nap now.
Maybe things are receding, but I feel lousy anyhow.