Work it, girl

I've been meaning to write a post about work for a long time, but my thoughts come in spurts rather than wholly formed sentences and for a writer, that's just plain annoying.

I had lunch with three rockin' colleagues from work yesterday and it was lovely. They gave good talk, good laughs, and bestowed me with the kind of open-armed generosity that gets me all choked up later (cuz I'm Italian) but lets me be all stoic in person (cuz I'm also Irish and Danny Boy wasn't playing in the background). When I'm in my rocker watching reruns of Murder She Wrote, I'll never forget the awesomeness of the people I work with. It makes me speechless.

Leaving my job so suddenly in June was hard for me and I continue to think about the stuff I did and still want to do that gave me pride, the opportunity to connect with peeps across the country and still live in the city I love with the people I love. There's really no other place like it. What I let myself do b.c. (before cancer), though, was tip the scale way too far in the work direction while forgetting how to do the things in my personal life that let me feel a sense of patience, quietness, friendship, love, freedom and ultimately health.

And let me be clear. I let this happen and I'm by freakin' far not the only sap who does this on a daily basis. Shite, man, we all do to some extent, and I let that extent be maximized instead of under my control. Did I ignore the signs because I didn't prioritize them? Um, yes. Am I bonehead for doing that? Doublemint yes. But a big part of that idiot died on the day of my diagnosis.

I am in the infancy of trying to figure out what kind of person will come back to work when the time comes. And I'm a zygote when it comes to figuring out what work in general will mean for me in the bigger picture, post-cancer, and how I want to contribute to this world and still pay my bills.

This shite has made me question everything, but one thing I'm sure of as I look forward to another meet up with colleagues on Saturday? That in my kindest of writing moments I could not have made up the giant orb of support I get every day from work. It's baffling and wonderful and deserves a giant breakdance of love.